I-love-myself

I have decided to take a trip, a huge journey.  Not the holiday kind but one travelling to a place unknown and completely unexplored. The life affirming one.  Yes as cliche as it sounds I’m on a journey of self discovery.

It started a year ago whilst I was on a healing course.  I was quite happy bumbling along believing I was living life at it was supposed to be. I was married with 3 gorgeous boys, having regular Kinesiology, and was taking a big interest in it. I was able to start learning new skills and had on the surface what looked like a great life.

Day 2 of the course was looking at manifesting. Something I had heard about but actually didn’t think I had the power or the right to do. One of my lovely fellow students described their experience with manifesting and what amazing things it had helped her with.  It was in that moment that I crumbled, I cried, I was in shock at the realisation that I deserved to ask and had the power to be in control of my life.

I’m now understanding that although I have the remit of ‘my life is fine’ ‘everything is great’ I’ve always had an under lining knot in my tummy, the feeling of anxiety, worry and fear – something I learned over the years to keep very much hidden.  I believed I had nothing to complain about so therefore didn’t acknowledge my natural instincts, feelings and intuition, so much so that they had become numb and very much unconnected to me.

It was in that moment that I put the train on the track, started the wheels in motion and set out on my journey.

Nothing was planned I started to let things evolve, to trust opportunities that came my way.  My marriage sadly came to an end and I moved into a small but cosy house with my boys.

I completed my healing course, along with my Kinesiology Foundation course and signed up to join a womans work year long course with the incredible Jewels Wingfield. I had no idea what I was about to experience.  I figured I would attend and then at the end come out completely sorted, know the meaning of life, being wonderfully profound and terribly attractive to all.  How wrong could I be.

What has actually happened is that I have experienced the deep importance of sisterhood, trust, honesty, forgiveness, nourishment, acknowledgement, boundaries and most importantly love.  Love not just for others, beauty and things, but true love for myself.  These are all the  necessary keys that help unlock the doors in order to start to see and address ongoing behaviour patterns and start to live an authentic and fulfilled life.  I have finished the course but that by no means I am done!  There are many layers to peel back and even if we manage to get to the core or close its so delicate we will always do work to protect and heal it.

Unfortunately this is a one-way trip that doesn’t come with a guide book, places to visit, sights to see!  The path is unknown and certainly throws up stones maybe even rocks at times.  I also believe its very hard to stop, you could try jumping off but I don’t think there is much chance of going back no matter how much I sometimes wish to.  But I do know that now I’ve started to see the dust clearing I am presented with the most beautiful sights. Like discovering the most precious stone.  The world is still the same world but it looks and feels very different.  This journey is not exclusive to hippies, the cool gang or the extremely gifted.  It is there for the taking to every single one of us.  It is our birthright.