Sleeping Tight - Overcoming Sleep Problems

Archive for February, 2012

Posted:
February 24, 2012
Comments:
1

Sleeping Tight – Overcoming Sleep Problems

I don't want to sleep, I want to dance and sing on top of a mountain!

I can’t sleep.

Claire, my business partner, can’t sleep.

I’m waiting for the time when we call each other at 3 in the morning for a chat. You see our beloved business has taken on a new direction and new energy and we’re just way too excited to sleep. Whirling minds, a rather large to-do list and a brand new clinic are keeping us awake in the small hours and creating lovely bags under our eyes. Always a good look for a pair of health professionals.

When sleep problems and insomnia symptoms present in the clinic I consider a number of different sources (new wallpaper in the waiting room isn’t always to blame).

In Chinese Five Element Theory, waking in the night at a certain time can indicate a meridian imbalance with an organ or an emotion that is difficult to deal with.

11-1am – Liver – the emotion is anger

1-3am – Gall Bladder – the emotion is resentment

3-5am – Lungs – the emotion is grief

5-7am – Bowels – the emotion is not letting go

From my experience if someone has experienced a bereavement they will often wake in the night between 3-5am. The subconscious brain processes during sleep and if there is an emotion or experience that is very difficult for the brain to deal with this can lead to insomnia.

Stress and over worrying is a common cause of sleep deprivation. To support the body nutritionally I recommend a B vitamin complex (supports the endocrine and nervous system) as well as Niacin (vitamin B3) which has been found to settle worried minds. Avoiding caffeine and drinking plenty of water certainly helps.

The Bach Flower Essences which are good for stress include Elm – for that overwhelmed feeling and White chestnut – for circling thoughts. A simple technique that can be used at home – place the palm of the hand on the forehead and deep breath into the belly. This helps calm the mind and is a simple trick to getting back to sleep.

A big contributing factor of sleep problems is technology overload. Many people can’t sleep because they are on laptops, iPhones or watching TV straight before they go to bed. This plays havoc with the nervous system and I recommend having at least an hour of no technology before sleeping. Read a book, take a bath or just sit and do nothing which will help prepare the brain for sleep.

Sleeping is triggered by the hormone melatonin and is created by the pineal gland in the brain. The pineal is a rather sensitive nubbin, especially with light. Alarm clocks, stereos or TVs with lights can cause disturb the pineal gland so for a really good night’s sleep make sure everything in your room is pitch black and have no lights showing.

For Claire and I, we are just going to ride this insomnia wave for the time being and up our B vitamin intake. I, for one, don’t mind this ridiculously excited feeling that’s keeping me awake. And anyway some of my best inspiration arrives in the dead of night and I tell you it’s well worth the yawning and blurry eyes in the morning.

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Posted:
February 15, 2012
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Houston We Have A Problem – Is Bobby Brown To Blame For The Demise Of Whitne


Was the 'Bobby Posse' hat to blame?

Facebook and Twitter is awash with the news that Whitney Houston sadly passed away yesterday afternoon. I didn’t really believe it to begin with, a bit like hearing the death of Amy Winehouse, I just stood in the kitchen gobsmacked saying ‘really?’ three or four times.

I’m not a huge Whitney fan but I do have the occasional song that I like to warble too. Whitney could certainly bang out a heartbreaking song and when your relationship is going down the swany singing ‘how you shattered my world with your goodbye,’ at the top of your lungs certainly works a treat.

And I believe this is Whitney at her best. Yes I am a child of the 80s so I think ‘I Wanna Dance With Somebody’ is a catchy tune, but it’s those painful love ballads filled with anguish that I remember her most for. Her torrid relationship with ex-husband Bobby Brown and their 15 year relationship of abuse and drug addiction were never far from the headlines. And her songs reflected her personal life. She sang from the heart and from experience and this is why she had such impact.

Although we don’t know the cause of her death there is common public opinion that Bobby Brown is ultimately to blame for the demise of our beloved pop princess.

We, the public, seem to want to believe that the fresh faced gospel singer was entrapped by the evil R&B star who lured her into a life of drug taking and physical abuse which eventually led to her death. It is difficult to watch such a talent fall from grace as Whitney did. If anyone caught her performance on Xfactor in October 2009 its clear to see how completely out of it she is.

There is an interesting psychological model called the Karpman Drama Triangle which describes three roles people take in relationship and can be applied to this situation. The first role is Victim which is how we view Whitney. The second is Persecutor which is Bobby. And finally there is the Rescuer – us. Throughout her demise we wanted to rescue Whitney because we wanted her back to her former glory and it was easy to blame Bobby rather than accept that Whitney was responsible.

Is Bobby really to blame? Some say he got her into drugs but according to his autobiography he only smoked marijuana before he met her and they fell into hard drugs together.

The physical abuse seemed to be a two way street too “He slapped me once, but he got hit on the head three times by me,” Houston told Opera Winfrey in 2009.

But regardless who started what, they were in the destructive relationship together and they were equally responsible for their actions and choices. In a difficult situation it’s incredibly liberating to choose to opt out of the role of victim. As an adult no one makes us ‘feel’ or ‘do’ anything we don’t want to do. And Bobby didn’t force Whitney to take the path she did.

This is a loss to the music world. Whitney gave us much; the greatest selling single of all time by a female artist as well as the harsh lesson of the effects of a destructive relationships and drug abuse. RIP Ms Houston, we learned from the best, we learned from you.

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Posted:
February 12, 2012
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3

Lets Talk About Sex – The Increase Of Sexless Relationships

Opening the door to communication will open the door to the bedroom

There is a phenomenon sweeping through society, its affecting thousands of people (that’s a conservative estimate) but it’s unlikely you will hear about it because in general we are still stuck in the dark age of “keeping up appearances”.

This phenomenon is that people aren’t having sex. I’m not talking about people in 25 year marriages or single people I’m talking about 30+ year olds in committed relationships or newly weds not being sexually active with their partner for months or even years.

There are many possible reasons for this. The extreme view from one of my friend’s is that its a natural wave of evolution, a way of limiting over population. Not sure if Darwin would agree but according to spiritual sexuality author David Deida men and women have three stages of evolution.

In Men, Stage 1 is the typical macho guy not emotionally open or great at communicating. This is a difficult personality to ‘relate’ to as it can be like talking to a brick wall.

Stage 2  is the opposite, he is vulnerable, in touch with his feelings and desperate not to subjugate the woman. The problem in this scenario is that often stage 2 man also has no spine. This also is difficult in relationship as the woman often assumes the mans role to ensure polarity is achieved.

Neither of these is balanced so in comes the third stage – this is where we have a man who is vulnerable, able to communicate and show his emotions but also in touch with his masculine strength and ferocity (yum!)

So with the women Stage 1 is a sweet spineless people pleaser. Her needs are secondary to her mans. Emancipation has totally bypassed this woman and she fits perfectly with stage 1 man who likes to be in control – the mix of stage 1′s probably means they will have sex as the man brings the fire and the woman does her duty. This is not enlightened sex and at some point the man either gets bored of not having a challenge or the woman gets resentful and leaves.

Stage 2 woman is a bit like  Margaret Thatcher (or my mother). A ball breaker extraordinaire, men quiver at her stare and there is no way she is gonna let her guard down.

Of course this is the perfect match for stage 2 man but ultimately she gets sick of his weakness and loses respect for him and at some point he may decide he wants to take some control. (stage 1 man and stage 2 woman is a bit of a disaster, it’s a constant battle for control. On the flip side a stage 2 man and stage 1 woman is just a bit drippy)

Again neither of these aspects of woman is balanced. Ideally we are looking for  Stage 3, the true embodiment of the sacred feminine.  Soft and able to own her vulnerability but with the full fire of undamned rage at her fingertips. The combination of stage 3 man and woman is the perfect union.

According to Psychologies Magazine, it can be difficult for couples to find a shared language to discuss the problem and many find it too vulnerable to open up . But The big question is, do you want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless relationship? If not you need to do something about it – and that means talking.

There is a lot of amazing work out there, it can be a voyage of self discovery for each person that really deepens the relationship, sure it can be tough but the irony is that it brings you closer. Often one partner just doesn’t want to do something like a workshop or see a counsellor so the couple stay in the stale mate situation. It can be too hard (no pun intended) to figure this out ourselves that’s why professional help can be invaluable.

Having an active sexual relationship is  healthy and according to webmd.com there are numerous health benefits to having regular sex:

  • Stress release
  • Increased immunity
  • Improved cardio-vascular health
  • Exercise and calorie usage
  • Improved self esteem
  • Improved prostate health
  • Improved pelvic floor muscles
  • Improved sleep patterns

And my favourite reason is that the couple who play together stay together – surely that’s worth learning how to overcome the embarrassment and have that honest conversation. Once you have and you get the sex life you really deserve you find you can then work through more not just as a couple but as a team. Plus  you can save a stack of cash on blusher as that glow will be coming from the bedroom.

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